It’s been 30 days since I made the decision to stop drinking alcohol. In that time, I’ve been met with quite a lot of mixed reactions. Utter disbelief and suspicion that I turned down an alcoholic drink. Persuasion, making it seem like I can’t possibly have the same amount of fun without drinking. Even situations that seem harmless, but are actually filled with pressure and expectations, that make you feel obligated to drink such as a celebration or the idea of ‘raising a glass’ to someone. I’ve even been asked if I’m pregnant, despite being in a same-sex relationship for the past 4 years with no mention of plans for a baby. Apparently it’s more believable that I’m pregnant than the fact I just don’t want a glass of wine.
There’s been numerous times over the past month where I’ve thought ‘Oh I’ll just have one or a few’ simply to stop the questions or judgement. It got me thinking, why is it more acceptable to drink alcohol than not? Why am I made to seem ‘weird’ or ‘an outsider’ for my decision?
Your average 21-year-old will spend most weekends drinking the night away, dancing until the sun comes up in nightclubs, and ultimately spending the rest of the day hungover and filled with regret.
For a good few years this has been my story too. Legally I’ve only been able to drink for the past 3 years, but if we’re being honest I had my first experience with alcohol at the age of 14. It’s no secret, many young people drink underage and make questionable decisions, but for me, this went beyond drunkenly texting someone or losing an expensive lipstick.
Back then I was an extremely well behaved child, who feared getting in any trouble, so the idea of breaking the law and having alcohol before the age of 18 was enough to fill me with anxiety. But like a lot of people, I was easily swayed and wanted to fit in, my alcohol journey began with your typical alcopops and progressed to vodka within hours. While I will hold my hands up and say it was my bad decision making, I did have some bad people around me who didn’t have my best interests at heart and were very manipulative.
As the years passed, I experimented with different types and amounts of alcohol, often resulting in hours wasted being bent over a toilet filled with regret and those famous words on many twenty-somethings lips ‘I’ll never drink again.’ Let me make this clear, I wouldn’t say that I had a drinking problem. But there has definitely been a fair few instances I would take it too far and make stupid decisions when I was a teenager because I was intoxicated. For example, smashing/breaking my phone, losing expensive makeup, falling over many times, drunk phone calls to my ex I wasn’t over at the time, arguing with people , kissing people I certainly shouldn’t have, oh and every time I drink I’ll definitely end up in tears at some point. I blame this one on my star sign rather than alcohol.
It’s no secret to anyone who knows me that I’m a massive lightweight. A few glasses of wine, that’s me done for the night. I never felt that I needed to drink to have a good time, however the thought of being sober at a busy nightclub with loud music and being surrounded by drunk people makes me feel sick.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had some amazing nights out where I’ve drank a fair few drinks. I’ve made friends on the dancefloor, in the girls bathroom, outside while friends are smoking etc. I’ve danced the night away in my favourite clubs being surrounded by positive energy and happy people all singing and dancing without a care in the world. But for me what followed next was the killer. Each morning I’d wake up after a night out with that familiar feeling of the room spinning, feeling like I might at any moment projectile vomit exorcist style all over my room. But what for me was worse was mentally how I would feel. I would spend hours on end questioning every decision I’d ever made, hating every inch of myself, my life, my circumstances, and losing hope for the future. Even though I hated feeling like this, it didn’t stop me drinking because I didn’t want to be left out or miss out - and everyone else feels the same when hungover right? I even started craving that feeling of freedom as soon as the night began, when you’re happily drunk and don’t worry or care about anything, everything is just peachy and you don’t want it to stop. For someone like me who is an extremely anxious person, socially alcohol is a life saver, it makes me more relaxed and confident, but isn’t something I ever wanted to rely on. It then hit me how easily this could turn into a problem.
I think when you’re young you don’t really notice any problem with drinking to excess and getting in such embarrassing states, because let’s face it pretty much everyone does it. Not to mention how much alcohol is glamourized these days, particularly gin and prosecco I’ve noticed with the slogans such as ‘Gin-dependant woman’ or ‘Prosecco made me do it.’ Now I understand that these are harmless, silly gifts but making these jokes or puns, mainly targeted towards women, makes a substance like alcohol desirable and socially acceptable. We wouldn’t see products with the same slogans promoting cigarettes or drug use, so why is it acceptable when it comes to alcohol, a substance that is harmful and is technically poisoning your body to give you that ‘buzz’.
To some people reading this, you may think I sound a bit dramatic for renouncing alcohol from my life for experiencing what most people do on a typical night out. But I know myself and how much I can tolerate physically and mentally. This is what feels right for me, and I’m not saying I’ll never touch a drop of alcohol again in my life, because I don’t know what the future holds. But, for the time being I’m happy not drinking and my life isn’t missing anything for not having alcohol. My skin and mental health are thanking me for it. I'd probably define myself as being 'sober curious' for the time being.
Disclaimer, I am in no way judging anyone for drinking alcohol or getting in states like mentioned in this post. Nor am I saying everyone needs to stop drinking, what I am saying, is do what is right for you and don’t allow yourself to be pressured by anyone. If you are going to drink, do it safely and responsibly.
